Lawyer Quotes

I got this as an email ages ago but it is real funny
These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place:

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth
Q: What year?
A: Every year

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August eighth?
A: Yes
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?>>>> >A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.