Here is a disturbing but real conversation I just had with
Matt on Msn
Spelling mistakes included (me= Matt Eh Steve=me) :)
Me: hi steve, you don't have an ad at the bottom of your window for ferrets and beards do you?
Eh Steve: why do you need a feret with a beard?
Me: i suppose i could be persuaded that i need one
Eh Steve: we have quite a range....
Eh Steve: its an add for ferrit dot com
Me: i'd click on it but... they might use my IP address and steal my soul
Eh Steve: yeah but you could get a ferret....Soul for a ferret....hmmmm
Me: ...and it does come with a beard...
Eh Steve: depends what state your soul is in
Me: and how it is relatively proportionate to the ferrets beard
Me: i think my soul would be equivalent to a rather thin beard on a disproportionately hairy ferret
Eh Steve: thats a bit harsh
Me: if it was course and wirey as well
Eh Steve: maybe....
Eh Steve: the ferrit comes on the beard
Eh Steve: in which case...
Eh Steve: i want one
Eh Steve: or as the beard
Me: a disproportionately hairy ferret would be kind of cool
Me: and may come in quite handy in the most unlikely of situations
Eh Steve: And what situations are those?
Me: i think it would be quite unlikely that i could imagine one
Me:...which makes it all the more important, if you want to be prepared for anything
Eh Steve: well you could strap stuff too its back and use it as a carrier ferret
Eh Steve: or you could train it to fetch things and it could be a "gun ferret" and you could take it hunting
Eh Steve: OR you could use it as a "guide ferret"
Eh Steve: Or as a "sniffer feret" at the airport
Me: or you could stick it on the end of a stick and use it to clean the chimney
Eh Steve: the oppurtunities for a well trained ferret are endless
Me: it could be an imitation hairy ferret
Eh Steve: the fact that it is very hairy is also useful as a chimney sweep
Me: you could floss all your teeth at once
Eh Steve: or if you were a megolomanical tyrannt you could strap laser pointers to its nose
Eh Steve: or you could use as one of those scrubbing brushes in the shower
Eh Steve: or a draft stopper thingy
Me: in the hands of the wrong people, it could be extremely dangerous
Eh Steve: maybe YOU shouldnt buy one Matt i think you are "the wrong people"
Me: it could be used as a phycological weapon
Eh Steve: like a means of torture?
Me: or even a psycological weapon
Eh Steve: if it had a flexible backbone you could use it as a pipe cleaner
Me: maybe even a psychological weapon
Eh Steve: if you had a pipe
Eh Steve: you could disguise it as a greyhound....
Eh Steve: and teach it to run really fast...or at least eat greyhounds......and you would be rich
Me: you could tape a bunch of them to a rotating cylinder for use in a car wash
Eh Steve: or put it on a pole (maybe even the same pole for the chimney) and wash your upstairs windows
Me: ceiling insulation
Eh Steve: attached to a desk fan it could be a car polisher
Me: they could be breed for a third world microenterprize scheme
Eh Steve: Like instead of buying a sweedish piggery you could buy a sweedish Ferretery
Me: you could establish ferretory territories
Eh Steve: cool
Eh Steve: Maybe we should get into the small rodent business
Me: with a sfety pin you could have a fashionable tongue piercing
Eh Steve: we could breed ferets, hamsters
Eh Steve: or a belly button ring all though it would look like lint
Eh Steve: a toupee
Me: a disguise kit
Me: to make you as inconspicuous as possible
Eh Steve: a pair of slippers (you would obviusly need two)
Eh Steve: so you can blend it with all the other people wearing ferrets?
Me: it would depend upon the success of our marketing campaign
Eh Steve: you could train an evil army of the night
Eh Steve: what is our target audience?
Eh Steve: we could get someone who has done commerce stuff like Andre
Me: and someone like Nathan who has done psychology...for the psychological warfare division
Me: I believe we should target suckers
Eh Steve: and people who don't know what ferrets are
Eh Steve: and megolomanical people with dirty chimneys, bad teeth, big cars and no hair!
Eh Steve: that is a pretty small target audience
Me: well you obviously aren't from around here
Eh Steve: if that who lives around here im kinda gald
Me: they're everywhere... i have to put special filters on my windows
Me: well, i'm off to establish my own chain of "Discount Hairy Ferret Warehouses"
No i didn't transcribe it, you can save MSN conversations.
